I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
