Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
