Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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