toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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