I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Houston, we have a blender
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
