This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
