whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
