well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
