does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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