you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
