the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
