Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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