my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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