Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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