so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
