Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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