Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
