I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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