I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
