dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
