you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
