there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
