He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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