How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
