Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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