do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
