It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
