I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
