I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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