that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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