And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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