i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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