Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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