fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
