Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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