Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
