I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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