PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
