I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
