The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
