I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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