I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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