No stitches, just platelets and will power
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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