Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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