my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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