he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
