he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
