I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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