My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
