Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
