You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
