Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
