MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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