Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
