try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
