My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
