tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
