you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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