I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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