I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
