I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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