I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
