sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
