Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
