ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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