I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
