i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
