Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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