do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
