Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
