ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
