I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
